Caption Contest #304

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. Did you leave your nail clipper? TSA’s been confiscating them.
9. What’s in your wallet?
8. No, Frank, it’s a VIOLINS symposium.
7. Did you take out the trash first?
6. Tell Ms. Bachmann I love her hair.
5. You got all that for opening a new checking account?
4. Honey, he’s just here to take our daughter to the movies.
3. You don’t have to prove anything. It happens to lots of guys!
2. How many Republican primaries did you pack for?
1. Be home by eight. We’re having tofu burgers.

Caption Contest #303

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. It’s amazing how quickly the kids do their homework now.
9. Instead of Headhunter, let’s say I’m in the executive job placement business.
8. These days it’s the visual signals that keep our teenage son in line.
7. You’ve found an excellent place for that extra wastebasket.
6. We think it doesn’t work anymore, but we’re too afraid to test it.
5. We brought it to Antiques Roadshow, but the appraiser said it’s just a replica.
4. And the grapes from this French wine have been recently pressed.
3. Visits from salesmen have dropped off precipitously.
2. We hope you won’t cut Olivia from the cheerleading squad.
1. Isabelle goes to bed at seven. And I shouldn’t have to tell you, ‘No Boys.’

(Author's note: This week's might be a little below standard. And late to post. But my wife delivered our baby on Wednesday night!)

Caption Contest #302

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. He’s my buddy, Holly.
9. Well, when you’re the boss’s son…
8. Anyone else feel like ordering Mexican?
7. Studies show layoffs go better when music’s playing.
6. Bill’s just been elected Office Troubadour.
5. They tried to make a leveraged buyout, but I said No No No.
4. It’s his therapist’s solution to keeping his hands to himself.
3. Bob’s expecting a mid-season crossover where Trump has us compete on America’s Got Talent.
2. If the Colts had won, you’d see Frank from Accounts Receivable in a tutu.
1. You’re right. We’re more of a ukulele company.

Caption Contest #301

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. More brainless suits.
9. Excuse me, janitors, which way to the head?
8. I thought that helicopter was flying too low.
7. This floor’s closed for cleaning. Didn’t they see the sign?
6. I heard Donald Trump got rid of all the heads of his company.
5. The managers who work here are so absent-minded.
4. The Mannequins Local 235 is on strike again.
3. These are the bodies of television’s talking heads.
2. I told you this company was full of dummies.
1. It’s not just the CEO. Everyone’s lost face because of the ponzi scheme.

Caption Contest #300

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. 'Hickory daiquiri, doc!' Good one! Man, you are ON today!
9. Would I lie to a bright guy like you?
8. What's on your mind?
7. I've figured out why your moods change so suddenly.
6. I didn't say anything about the Clapper. I said you have the clap.
5. The malignant cells never turn off, but it's an easy fix with this new technology.
4. Cranial tattoo removal happens to be my specialty.
3. I can see your b.s. detector is going off, but I can fix that too.
2. Do your children have access to permanent markers?
1. ...But I'm also a client. My new hair covers tribal ink I got at Woodstock.

Caption Contest #299

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. The whole family is columnists.
9. I must say, Maude, I've never seen erosion quite like this before.
8. At the New Yorker, even the dog gets his own column.
7. Charlie, get down off your soap-column.
6. What the artist meant to convey here is man's ability to transcend culture.
5. OK, now I'm willing to ask for directions.
4. Is there a chance that giant mouse you saw was just the robot vacuum?
3. We should have done this flashmob when there were more people around.
2. Well this is the most unusual Oscar party I've ever been to.
1. Simon says, "Flap your arms like a chicken."

Caption Contest #298

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. This is why I objected to the job exchange program.
9. In this here ballpark, we call it 'Freedom Food.'
8. Do you at least have the right cleats?
7. And Jacques, you'll be batting cleanup.
6. So are you from Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic?
5. And I suppose your roommate is serving escargot with your catcher's mitt?
4. Abbott and Costello have some rewriting to do.
3. The champignon parmentier au gratin is fine, but I asked for sunflower seeds.
2. Stay loose, Guillaume. You may be pinch sauteing in the ninth.
1. And when Darryl gets here with his frog costume, we'll put him in the outfield to catch flies.