Caption Contest #300

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. 'Hickory daiquiri, doc!' Good one! Man, you are ON today!
9. Would I lie to a bright guy like you?
8. What's on your mind?
7. I've figured out why your moods change so suddenly.
6. I didn't say anything about the Clapper. I said you have the clap.
5. The malignant cells never turn off, but it's an easy fix with this new technology.
4. Cranial tattoo removal happens to be my specialty.
3. I can see your b.s. detector is going off, but I can fix that too.
2. Do your children have access to permanent markers?
1. ...But I'm also a client. My new hair covers tribal ink I got at Woodstock.

Caption Contest #299

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. The whole family is columnists.
9. I must say, Maude, I've never seen erosion quite like this before.
8. At the New Yorker, even the dog gets his own column.
7. Charlie, get down off your soap-column.
6. What the artist meant to convey here is man's ability to transcend culture.
5. OK, now I'm willing to ask for directions.
4. Is there a chance that giant mouse you saw was just the robot vacuum?
3. We should have done this flashmob when there were more people around.
2. Well this is the most unusual Oscar party I've ever been to.
1. Simon says, "Flap your arms like a chicken."

Caption Contest #298

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)

10. This is why I objected to the job exchange program.
9. In this here ballpark, we call it 'Freedom Food.'
8. Do you at least have the right cleats?
7. And Jacques, you'll be batting cleanup.
6. So are you from Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic?
5. And I suppose your roommate is serving escargot with your catcher's mitt?
4. Abbott and Costello have some rewriting to do.
3. The champignon parmentier au gratin is fine, but I asked for sunflower seeds.
2. Stay loose, Guillaume. You may be pinch sauteing in the ninth.
1. And when Darryl gets here with his frog costume, we'll put him in the outfield to catch flies.

Caption Contest #297

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com)


10. Thanks for the lift. Mine conched out.
9. Can we stop at the Shell station?
8. Sure, it’s Palm-compatible. But I have an iPhone.
7. Are you sure the bus stops here?
6. How often do you have to change the coconut oil?
5. OK, the location’s not great. But you can’t beat this weather!
4. In my day, this was all horse-and-buggy, far as the eye could see.
3. Let’s move over to the leeward lane.
2. Move over. You’re sitting on my half.
1. Mr. Michaels, I’m from the IRS.