Caption Contest #312

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. As a corporate attorney, I do more lyin’ than lion now.
9. It’s not about being king of the jungle, it’s about taking care of your cubs.
8. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
7. Turns out killing a zebra is a crime in these parts.
6. I decided to stop sleeping 20 hours a day and make something of myself.
5. It’s a better gig than working for Siegfried and Roy.
4. I never believed in doppelgängers before today.
3. I’m afraid there’s nothing left for us to appeal.
2. It’s a jungle out there too.
1. Well I still have my pride.

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

20. This is not going to work as an ottoman.
19. It’s genuine animal hide, alright.
18. With these high-def TVs it’s like everything’s right in the middle of the room.
17. I didn’t realize with commodities trading you were buying actual hippos.
16. How are you going to wear that Halloween costume in the car?
15. I think she looks more and more like your mother.
14. Well, you said we never do anything wild and crazy anymore.
13. I wonder how Tammy is doing at the Tanzanian exchange program.
12. OK, so maybe your big sister really is a witch.
11. To be honest, you don’t look anything like your online photos.
10. Frank, you’ve got to stop watching those home shopping channels when you can’t sleep.
9. In second grade, we took turns taking home the class hamster.
8. I fed her, Todd, so you are in charge of cleanup.
7. Are you sure Kim Kardashian has one of these at home?
6. I’ll make you a deal, Bobby. Change back into a boy and you don’t have to eat your asparagus.
5. No, I’ll tell YOU who’s about to be extinct.
4. Aw, Bill, tell me that wasn’t you.
3. Do you get the feeling we’re about to overrun with Greek soldiers?
2. Gesundheit.
1. Jacob, I told you if you kept it up your face was going to freeze like that.

Caption Contest #310

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. Timmy’s and his friends’ guns look real, but they just squirt water.
9. Damn, you Mormons are persistent.
8. The Halloween party’s the next house over.
7. This war novel makes me feel like I’m in the middle of the action!
6. Timmy, come down here! And bring your cough syrup!
5. If they’re not selling Girl Scout cookies, tell them to go away.
4. Elian Gonzales isn’t here right now. He’s out with our illegal nanny selling foreign goods to immigrant day laborers.
3. Those windows are where your second amendment ends and my third amendment begins.
2. I told you they wouldn’t stop at illegal wiretapping.
1. It says here you have to shift the tank into neutral first.

Caption Contest #309

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. I don’t think this is working out.
9. You’re totally gonna lose the fly catching contest.
8. Yup, I think she’s dead.
7. Lucy, you’re not singing your part.
6. This isn’t what I meant by the carpool lane.
5. How do you New Yorkers know to wake up at your own stop?
4. Open your eyes and steer, dammit!
3. Actually we’re here for the Librarian Convention.
2. If this is boring you, perhaps you should try the housing market.
1. Now open your eyes and the hiccups will be gone.