(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

20. This is not going to work as an ottoman.
19. It’s genuine animal hide, alright.
18. With these high-def TVs it’s like everything’s right in the middle of the room.
17. I didn’t realize with commodities trading you were buying actual hippos.
16. How are you going to wear that Halloween costume in the car?
15. I think she looks more and more like your mother.
14. Well, you said we never do anything wild and crazy anymore.
13. I wonder how Tammy is doing at the Tanzanian exchange program.
12. OK, so maybe your big sister really is a witch.
11. To be honest, you don’t look anything like your online photos.
10. Frank, you’ve got to stop watching those home shopping channels when you can’t sleep.
9. In second grade, we took turns taking home the class hamster.
8. I fed her, Todd, so you are in charge of cleanup.
7. Are you sure Kim Kardashian has one of these at home?
6. I’ll make you a deal, Bobby. Change back into a boy and you don’t have to eat your asparagus.
5. No, I’ll tell YOU who’s about to be extinct.
4. Aw, Bill, tell me that wasn’t you.
3. Do you get the feeling we’re about to overrun with Greek soldiers?
2. Gesundheit.
1. Jacob, I told you if you kept it up your face was going to freeze like that.