Caption Contest #312

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. As a corporate attorney, I do more lyin’ than lion now.
9. It’s not about being king of the jungle, it’s about taking care of your cubs.
8. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
7. Turns out killing a zebra is a crime in these parts.
6. I decided to stop sleeping 20 hours a day and make something of myself.
5. It’s a better gig than working for Siegfried and Roy.
4. I never believed in doppelgängers before today.
3. I’m afraid there’s nothing left for us to appeal.
2. It’s a jungle out there too.
1. Well I still have my pride.

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

20. This is not going to work as an ottoman.
19. It’s genuine animal hide, alright.
18. With these high-def TVs it’s like everything’s right in the middle of the room.
17. I didn’t realize with commodities trading you were buying actual hippos.
16. How are you going to wear that Halloween costume in the car?
15. I think she looks more and more like your mother.
14. Well, you said we never do anything wild and crazy anymore.
13. I wonder how Tammy is doing at the Tanzanian exchange program.
12. OK, so maybe your big sister really is a witch.
11. To be honest, you don’t look anything like your online photos.
10. Frank, you’ve got to stop watching those home shopping channels when you can’t sleep.
9. In second grade, we took turns taking home the class hamster.
8. I fed her, Todd, so you are in charge of cleanup.
7. Are you sure Kim Kardashian has one of these at home?
6. I’ll make you a deal, Bobby. Change back into a boy and you don’t have to eat your asparagus.
5. No, I’ll tell YOU who’s about to be extinct.
4. Aw, Bill, tell me that wasn’t you.
3. Do you get the feeling we’re about to overrun with Greek soldiers?
2. Gesundheit.
1. Jacob, I told you if you kept it up your face was going to freeze like that.

Caption Contest #310

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. Timmy’s and his friends’ guns look real, but they just squirt water.
9. Damn, you Mormons are persistent.
8. The Halloween party’s the next house over.
7. This war novel makes me feel like I’m in the middle of the action!
6. Timmy, come down here! And bring your cough syrup!
5. If they’re not selling Girl Scout cookies, tell them to go away.
4. Elian Gonzales isn’t here right now. He’s out with our illegal nanny selling foreign goods to immigrant day laborers.
3. Those windows are where your second amendment ends and my third amendment begins.
2. I told you they wouldn’t stop at illegal wiretapping.
1. It says here you have to shift the tank into neutral first.

Caption Contest #309

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. I don’t think this is working out.
9. You’re totally gonna lose the fly catching contest.
8. Yup, I think she’s dead.
7. Lucy, you’re not singing your part.
6. This isn’t what I meant by the carpool lane.
5. How do you New Yorkers know to wake up at your own stop?
4. Open your eyes and steer, dammit!
3. Actually we’re here for the Librarian Convention.
2. If this is boring you, perhaps you should try the housing market.
1. Now open your eyes and the hiccups will be gone.

Caption Contest #308

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. I can’t help myself. I’ve got a sweet saber-tooth.
9. If our clan keeps eating these, we’ll never get anywhere.
8. Stale or not, these donuts are delicious.
7. Despite what they say, I’m glad you re-invented the donut.
6. Let me tell you my theory about natural selection before I have a heart atta--
5. I bet in some alternate universe, donuts are smaller and the women get pregnant.
4. My favorite are still the Pangea Cream-filled.
3. I’m all for hiding evidence, but maybe we should have thrown everything in the tar pit.
2. How are we ever gonna get the rest of these home?
1. I could use a pterodactyl-sized antacid right about now.

Caption Contest #307

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. White people. They all taste the same.
9. Just stop it with the crocodile tears.
8. What did Jacques mean when he said he wanted to have us for dinner?
7. “See you later, Larry.” “After a while, Craig.”
6. You’d think they’ve never seen colored folk before.
5. It’s an alligator eat alligator world.
4. Shhh…I think they might be Seminole fans.
3. Shoot, this is the express! We missed our swamp.
2. Now that we’re here, I want to eat that Jared guy first.
1. There had better be other people in costume at this party.

Caption Contest #306

(above image courtesy of newyorker.com.)

10. The Hendersons have taken in-home gardening to a new level.
9. Honey, when was the last time you mowed the carpet?
8. “I may be bald,” said Richard. “But--word is born--I can still grow corn rows.”
7. Since the governor passed de-criminalization legislation, the Smiths started growing grass in their home again.
6. The stalks were hung by the Shipleys with care…
5. Suddenly the genie granted the third wish, that all the world had access to free food.
4. In this haunted house, even the floor has ears.
3. How about next we to go to the kitchen and watch the paint dry?
2. Now it’s down to two. And the winner is exempt from this week’s elimination.
1. I can’t wait until the harvest when I can watch TV again.